Notes from one introvert to the World

Dear World,

Everything’s different and everything is the same at the moment. Everything and nothing has changed. Things are strange, and then not quite so. Confusing, isn’t it? The world has turned topsy-turvy, as some people (annoyingly say). I mean, topsy-turvy?!

Aside from going on long weekend walks through gardens or to museums, and the prospects of work or projects going from possibility to nothing faster than I can say topsy-turvy (!), life hasn’t changed much. I haven’t changed much. I still read, cook, eat, sleep, watch movies or binge-watch shows (oy, don’t judge). Aaaand, all of these activities occur with the same regularity: weekly meal planning accompanied by twice a week cooking; turning a book over in a few days; becoming human after two cups of coffee every morning. Of course, I’m not human nor humane before my two cups of coffee, but thank you for thinking I could be 🙂 Here’s to hope!

Things are okayish.
I miss seeing my family. I miss meeting with friends over meals and wine and coffee.
I miss travelling.
I don’t miss the networking, crowded places or events taking place at ungodly hours.
I often wonder if I’ll like other individuals more or less when I’ll be able to go out again and (pretend I) enjoy conversations in social interactions with people I don’t necessarily know on matters I don’t necessarily care about. Oh, please, don’t raise your eyebrow in contempt and tell me you haven’t once thought about all of this.

One thing’s for sure, though. I’m still an introvert. Which means that I’m mainly okay with the fact that I haven’t left my house for 65 days or so. It doesn’t, however, imply that somehow a miracle happened and I’m suddenly enjoying having zoom calls or phone conversations more often than I would have seen or talked to you, dear World, IRL before this happened, and it would be super crazy of you to assume otherwise. I’m not an ogre, far from it. I answer the phone, I check in with my friends and family and all that shebang. I’m here, and I listen, and I nod, and I’m sending good vibes and virtual hugs to my friends in need, and I can understand not everyone is comfortable with suddenly being locked in. What I can’t fully understand, and I’m trying to, is why some are so deeply uncomfortable with standing still; with seeing themselves; with looking at mirrors and trying to see what they’re about.

It’s a peculiar time, to say the least. Heh, do people actually say ‘peculiar’ out loud?! Anyhow, I don’t know about you, but I haven’t learnt 2 more languages, nor have I brushed up any skill whatsoever, except for that of baking cake (until I can get my eclairs and croissants’ fix again, homemade brownies and apple tart it is). I have, however, focused on the things I can control, in order to keep my sanity and its adjacent benefits. Things like the ones mentioned above – cooking, reading, listening to music and so on. I crowned myself the domestic queen of my household, and it’s working like a mother*ucker. Days are more or less the same, which makes it easy to confuse them. I’m letting go of time, so I won’t feel stuck. Instead, I’m giving myself space to be and allowing myself to stand still and be okay with that.

Looking within shouldn’t be a gruesome task. Trying to find some light and perhaps a silver lining is not impossible. Enjoying our own company should be a treat, really. If we don’t like and, dare I say, love ourselves, how can we expect others to do so? This is as good a time as any to be kind to ourselves, to give ourselves space to be and breathe and find hope in whatever it is that we can. And while we’re at it, perhaps we can also look at what type of conversations we have, and if there are ways to make them count. Should our convos reflect the fact that all days are the same or can we do better? Oh, yes, this includes convos with oneself, of course. I know we can do better, so let’s practice stillness and conjure honesty, inside and out.

Dear World, I hope you were good to yourself today, and kind to others.